Advice to My Childhood Self

R.J. Fox

(in no particular order)


  • If you grow up with your parents’ bedroom right next to yours, wear earplugs at night.


  • Avoid bragging about your Magic Rocks – no matter how colorful.

  • Refrain from bragging about your Uncle Milton’s Ant Farm – no matter how many tunnels the ants dug. And if you do have an art farm, be sure to follow the instructions, which include putting the live fire ants into the freezer for a short period to briefly paralyze them before inserting them into the farm. Otherwise, the fire ants will scurry in every possible direction up your hand and arm, leaving a trail of piercing bites.

  • Don’t wear a plastic Sea-Monkey necklace to school (a plastic, bubble aquarium hanging from a red string that you put actual live Sea-Monkeys into) (Sea “Sea-Monkey Necklace” for more details).


  • Avoid leaving a pair of dirty underpants in the…

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