He would never admit it to anyone else, but Adam had a crush on his girlfriend’s Bitmoji. Admittedly, it was love at first sight. He knew it sounded utterly ridiculous…
…but the heart wants what it wants.
In his defense, her Bitmoji was not only hotter than Eveangelina, but quite frankly, way more:
Yes, he was well aware that Eveangelina pulled the strings, but yet couldn’t help but think of her Bitmoji as a separate entity.
And then one day…she was.
As expected, Eveangelina went to sleep early. It was at least three hours before his normal bedtime. So, he laid down on the couch, put on Netflix, mindlessly browsing through the social media that he was desperately trying to wean himself off of. He had been spiraling into a deep funk for months. Lately. It seemed more like a free falling. Every ounce of joy had seeped out of his body, drip by drip and he was too depressed to turn his ship around. True, he wasn’t exactly happy in his relationship. But what it really came down to was the fact that he wasn’t at all happy with himself. And too unmotivated to seek therapy. So, he remained knee-deep in quagmire of a no man’s land.
Though part of him turned to social media as distraction, he knew it wasn’t helping his self-diagnosed depression. It wasn’t that he was opposed to social media. After all, it was his primary dating life when he was single. But when it dawned on him that the time he usually spent reading was spent scrolling, he decided to make a conscious effort to do something about it.
He had a feeling tonight would be an early night. He could feel himself nodding off as he stared mindlessly into his screen. He finally surrendered himself, only to be awoken by the familiar DING of Messenger. It was his girlfriend’s winking Bitmjoji.
He replied: “Oh, you’re still awake?”
He headed to the bedroom. She was sound asleep. Was she sleep texting?
Ding! Another message from her Bitmoji, blowing him a kiss.
“I’m trying to sleep!” Eveangelina said.
“Didn’t you just message me?”
“No. What are you talking about?”
He was too tried to play this game, so he walked out of the room.
And then seconds later: Ding!
Clearly, she was fucking with him. She typically wasn’t one to tease.
He ignored it, then headed back to the couch and drifted off to sleep.
The next morning at breakfast, he decided to bring it up again.
“You really had me going last night.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Texting me and then pretending to be asleep.”
“I told you, I never texted you!”
He showed her the proof.
“I nvever sent those.”
“The gig is up,” he laughed.
“I swear! I think you’re the one playing a trick on me!”
“Whatever,” she said.
They proceeded to eat the rest of their breakfast in silence.
She headed off to work, giving him a listless hug. And then she was gone, immersing him in an even deeper silence. He waved out the window as she drove away. But she didn’t notice.
If the writing wasn’t already on the wall regarding their relationship, it was suddenly in bright, flashing neon lights. And something had to give. But when?
He turned around, but then froze in a combination of shock, terror, and awe. Sitting on the very couch that he fell asleep on last night was his girlfriend’s Bitmoji, surrounded by cartoonish hearts.
“Hello, Adam,” she said seductively.
“Hello,” he managed to blurt out, naturally assuming that this was all a crazy dream and therefore, just going with the flow.
“But you’re not Evangelena…”
Bitmoji was suddenly sad, as a little thundercloud formed above her head, dropping cartoon raindrops on her head.
“I’m just as much Eveangelina as she is!” she cried. “But with benefits!”
“Now, now,” he offered gently.
The cloud turned into a smiling sun.
“Can I get you something? Like a drink? Or, a snack?”
“I only want you,” she said.
“But Evangelina – the other Evangelina…”
“Isn’t here, is she?”
“No. But that’s not the point.”
“I’m sorry, but I have to get ready for work.”
If this was a dream, why was he being so damn responsible?
“Okay. I’ll just have to come back another time,” she winked flirtatiously. “And next time, no excuses.”
And then she vanished in a poof without a trace.
What was he thinking?
A few days passed. And no sign of Eveangelina’s Bitmoji. Nor, had he told Eveangelina about what had happened. There was no way she would believe him. Even if he took a photo, she would just as well assume it was some crazy app or filter.
The following weekend, Eveangelina went out for girl’s night. Josh had planned to head out himself, but decided just to stay in and get caught up on some shows he was behind in while lying in the warm comfort of his bed.
But the night had other plans.
He entered the bedroom, only to find Eveangelina’s Bitmoji lying in bed, surrounded by roses ala American Beauty.
“Want to fuck me?” she said.
There was no way this was happening.
First of all, he was convinced none of this was real. But if it were a dream, he couldn’t recall ever having one this vivid. Considering how often he thought of Eveangelina’s Bitmoji, it’s no surprised she ended up in his dream. He once even jacked off once upon a time thinking about her.
And now here she was, standing before him, offering sex. How could it not be a dream? If so, then he had nothing to lose. And if not a dream, was is it really cheating when you’re fucking somebody’s Bitmoji? He knew he could keep it a secret.
But could she?
After all, her allegiance naturally had to be with Eveangelina, right? She was its – her – creator. So, would this make her more…or less inclined to fuck and tell? Probably less so. She could be deleted even more quickly than she was made.
“What’s taking so long?” she said, as cartoonish flames erupted out of her head.
“I just have a few questions,” he asked.
“Don’t ask. Just fuck.”
“Okay. Wow. But how is this possible?”
“Isn’t this what you want?”
“So, consider me the unicorn you’ve been waiting for!”
Suddenly, she was riding a rainbow unicorn rapidly around the room. She dismounted right in front of him.
“Kiss me, you fool.”
He got onto his knees so he could be closer to her face. Then kissed her.
An array of stars and rainbows showered out of her.
“Come on, hot stuff,” she said, waving him toward her.
She proceeded to fuck him ever which way. It was unlike anything he ever experienced. She was a feisty little thing, a true dom, bouncing around to and fro, emanating roses and rainbows with every thrust. Front door. Back door. Side door. Oral. Pretty much everything her keeper would never come close to doing. At one point, she even stuck a full finger up his virgin ass. And he liked it. When it was all said and done, she came four times to his two very explosive ones. Each time she came, she was surrounded by an explosion of little read hearts.
But as he had feared, it was all too good to be true. While fucking Eveangelina’s Bitmoji anally from behind, as she stroked his balls, Adam failed to notice the bedroom door opening.
Nor, did he notice when the real Eveangelina was suddenly standing before him, alongside the bed.
“What the fuck?!” Eveangelina screamed.
What the fuck indeed.
“Don’t even try to justify it,” she hissed, as his mouth was held agape. Her Bitmoji turned away in shame, covering herself with the sheet. Hazard symbols appeared above her head.
He couldn’t help but noticed that his girlfriend seemed far more annoyed by him fucking someone else than confused by the fact that he had been fucking her avatar.
“And you,” his girlfriend said, pointing at her digital whore. “I trusted you. I made you.”
“You think you can control every part of me? Not anymore you don’t,” her Bitmoji said, shooting out cute, harmless little thunder and lightning bolts.
“You think so, huh?” his girlfriend said, taking out her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Reminding you who your master still is.”
“No…” her Bitmoji begged.
“Please don’t,” Adam said.
His girlfriend went into her phone and deleted her Bitmoji once and for all in just a couple of clicks.
And then the living one in her bed – where the Bitmoji was created two years prior – dissolved into pixels that then faded into oblivion.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Adam said, fighting back tears.
“Was I supposed to kill you instead?”
“Well, now you’re talking silly.”
Perhaps she was. But that didn’t stop her from dumping him. And by the next day, she had deleted him off of all her social media, as well.
They both knew it was for the best. It had been a long time coming.